Forgive and you will be
forgiven
Some people do not seem to
know that this is actually a direct quote from Luke
6:37. And in case you thought this may be a mistake,
these word are repeated in Matthew 6:14 and Mark 11:25.
Forgiving others is not a matter of choice, it is a
direct command from our Lord, which some seem to prefer
to ignore or rationalize away.
But there is no way around
this command. We may not hold grudges or keep accounts.
We are obliged to forgive with the same grace and
kindness with which God forgave us. You may remember
Jesus telling a parable (in Mat 18:23) of the man who
owed his master 6 billion dollars – not nearly as much
as we owed God. This man was forgiven his debt – just as
we have been forgiven. But the same man who was forgiven
so much would not forgive his co-worker who owed him
.0001% of what he had been forgiven! Jesus’ verdict was
that because the first servant would not forgive his
friend, he would be held accountable to pay his debt
also. So the options are clear; either we must forgive
others or we will be held liable for our debts.
While I freely confess
that I do not fully understand how this is reconciled
with the fact that we are forgiven on the merits of
Calvary, there can be no doubt that we have no options
but to forgive those who sin against us, even up to 490
times (Mat 18:21-22). In fact, we should forgive an
unlimited number of times because if we have really
forgiven the person, the counter is reset to zero each
time, so we actually never get past the first time!
There are many reasons why we do not forgive others, but
here are a few:
We don’t forgive because
we feel that the wrong they did us is so bad that they
should not get away with it. However, it is not our
right to take vengeance, “vengeance is Mine, I will
repay”, says the Lord” (Deut 32:35, Rom 12:19, Heb
10:30). Leave it to the Lord to take vengeance. If the
person does not repent then the Lord will judge them
and, “it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of
the living God” (Heb 10:31). Some people mistakenly
think that if they forgive the person, the sinner will
get away with it, but the fact is that when we forgive
the person, our forgiveness does not remove the debt
from the sinner before God. This is because every time
we sin against another person, we have sinned against
God as well. When a man forgives another man, the debt
toward God still stands and God will judge such a
person. Obviously, once the sinner repents before the
Lord, he will be forgiven, just as the Lord forgives all
who come to Him. That repentance, however, may mean that
the offender has to make right with the offended,
nevertheless that is not for you to exact, but for God.
Sometimes we don’t forgive
because the other party did not ask for forgiveness or
admit that they are wrong, and while some scriptures
make that a requirement (Luke 17:4), most do not. We are
to forgive even if the offender does not accept
culpability or show signs of repentance. This is because
the Lord requires that we forgive others for our own
sake and not for the sake of the offender. When we
live with bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts,
our whole outlook, spirit and attitude is contaminated
by that bitterness. When we live with a grudge, we
struggle to enter into healthy relationships with others
and it also affects our relationship with the Lord.
Such bitterness eventually permeates our whole life and
could even have a detrimental effect on our physical
health. We must forgive for our own sake. The sinner has
to resolve his own issues with the Lord. Our forgiveness
or grudges have no direct impact on the other person’s
relationship with the Lord.
When we forgive we must do
so in a spirit of meekness and sincerity. I will never
forget the day a brother who was hurting me and my
family came to see us and declared with great arrogance
and superiority that he had forgiven us for everything I
had done. He would not tell me what I had done, nor
could I find anything in my heart or mind in which I
could possibly have wronged him. Never bestow your
“forgiveness” on others in a display of how “gracious
you are”. Just forgive them in your heart, ask them to
forgive you and get on with building the relationship.
Only tell the person you have forgiven them when they
specifically ask for your pardon, rather show that you
have forgiven by your deeds and attitude.
Does that mean that we
must have a wonderful relationship with everyone with
whom we have had a disagreement? Obviously, that would
be wonderful, but the reality is that this is not always
possible. Some people are just so hurtful, abrasive and
manipulative that, even though we may have forgiven
them, it is virtually impossible to have a good
relationship with them. I don’t believe that we are
required to force a relationship with folk who clearly
do not want our company, but this still does not mean we
can continue to bear a grudge towards someone like that.
We must forgive and then let them get on with what they
need to do while we continue to serve the Lord. Paul has
such difficulties in mind when he says, “endeavoring
to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”
(Eph 4:3). He thus recognizes that we will not always
succeed, but we must try to preserve the unity of
the Spirit. In Romans 12:18 he says: “If it is possible,
as much as depends on you, live peaceably with
all men.” Again we can only do what is possible and what
is within our power. We have no control over the other
person’s attitude, but we do have, or should have,
control over our own attitudes and that is what we are
responsible for.
So, is there any situation
where the Lord does not expect us to forgive? Not a
single one! There are no ifs, ands or buts. Forgive! It
is only those who have never understood how deeply they
have hurt God and those who have never come to terms
with the greatness of His mercy towards them, who feel
they have an excuse to hold a grudge against others.
Anton Bosch
antonbosch@sbcglobal.net
www.abcd.co.za/offi
www.abcd.co.za/plumbline
Tel 818 846 5520
Fax 818 846 4357
3310 West
Magnolia Blvd
Burbank, California
91505-2907
USA